Twi-hard

As I was walking to the train station this evening, I was given a free magazine called Stylist. It was mildly entertaining and stopped me from shelling out £4 for People, but there were so many mistakes in the magazine. I’m not just talking typos. I mean, they said Edward Cullen was 19 years old. Did they even read the series? Everyone knows he’s 17! Er…um…Ok, a 108 year old in a 17 year old’s body. Whatever.

Anyway, there was an article about Twi-moms and how middle-aged mothers have gone crazy for the The Twilight Saga. Or more specifically, Edward Cullen. In the author’s words, to be a Twilight Mom you have to fulfil one of the following criteria:

1. You’re over 25.

2. You’re married.

3. You have a child.

Interesting. According to this, I’m a Twi-mom and I’m not even a mom. How is that fair? Why can’t I just be a fan? It’s not like I’m some pathetic woman who actually imagines herself with Edward Cullen. Did you know there are women out there who Photoshop themselves into Edward’s arms? Yikes. Who does that???

Do you know there are women out there who make their husbands read the books?

(Our conversation last week went something like this:

Caitlin: “How far are you in Twilight?”

Scott: “Um…I don’t know. It’s just like the film. Can’t I just see the films and not read the books?”

Caitlin: “The couple who reads together, stays together. Or something like that.”

Scott: “…”

Caitlin: “Have they kissed yet? Have you got to the part in the meadow?”

Scott: “Well, I think I’m almost to the meadow. Bella knows three things for sure.” *

*If you’re wondering what this means, you should probably stop reading. This entire post will be lost on you. Freak.)

Do you know there are women – grown-ass adults – who have Twilight paraphernalia in their bedroom?

Ok, I have to come clean. I do love me some Twilight and I may have done some Photoshopping in my time but this is not, I repeat, this is not my bedroom. This isn’t something I would want for my marital bedroom. The outline of a strange man in my bedroom would scare the hell out of me, nevermind Scott. (For all your Twilight decal needs, visit vinylfruit’s etsy shop.)

Do you know there are women out there going to the midnight showing of Twilight Saga: New Moon on Thursday? On a school night?? And getting up at 7am the next morning to go to work?

They must be real fans.

You dazzled me

Some of you will appreciate this more than others. If you have been living under a rock don’t know about Twilight, you’ll have to suffer through this one. But it’s Monday and you’re at work…don’t tell me you have anything better to do.

While I was folding laundry or cooking dinner or flipping through US Weekly – I can’t remember exactly what I was doing but it was important – Scott interrupted me with this:

“The other day at work, someone pointed out that I had glitter all over my face. And I spent all day trying to figure out where it came from. I thought it must have been from your make up or something. I spent days thinking about it. Where is this glitter coming from?”

He was so very serious. You don’t joke about glitter.

“And then I realized that-that…that…hand soap pump thing! In the bathroom! It has shimmer stuff in it!”

He holds up his slightly shimmering hands to show me.

“See? Glitter!”

I nod, laughing, and say, “But how would it get all over your face?”

And he’s all, duh, “Because I’ve been washing my face with it!”

Hold it right there. You say what? You’re washing your face with my imported Bath & Body Works Antibacterial Moisturizing Soap in Sweet Pea with Green Tea Extract and Shea Butter? How long has this been going on? I should have smelled the sweet pea flower mixed with pear, loganberry and green rhubarb on you!

But then I thought…huh…shimmer, you say? Hmm…I know someone else who sparkles.

Muahahahaha.

“Oh my God!” I said, excitedly. “You’re just like Edward Cullen!“

I think that’ll teach him.

I will always be 17 at heart

While Scott was away, I spent most of the weekend here:

With just these:

And it was amaaaaazing.

***

Can we please discuss Twilight? And why I have been able to resist the Jonas Brothers and Zac Efron but not this…this…this book series that has taken a hold of my life?

When I first heard about it, I was like, Vampires, are you for real? Yeah, right. So not interested. I don’t like fake stuff. Never read Harry Potter. Never saw Lord of the Rings. Not into wizards and half-humans and magic.

And then my friend at work convinced me to read the book so I could see the movie everyone was raving about.  At the end of it, I was in love with a vampire – that totally took me by surprise!

I took Scott to the cinema. We were with about 100 shrieking, giggling teenage girls, about fifty swooning  women, and about ten men (a mix of boyfriends, husbands and fathers) taken there against their wills.

I loved it – not as much as the book(s) but as a take on the book, the characters were exactly how I imagined them to be.  (Scott didn’t mind it either.)

(And yes,  it’s totally cheesy and ridiculous at certain points. But I like it. So there. )

I have issues with some of the storylines and I’m not quite finished with the last book yet but overall, it has provided me with some much needed entertainment on my commute and in between work and class. It’s been nice not to read something so heavy (like…um…The Economist. Which is what I usually read, Dad.)

17 was one of the best years of my life  – so far.  I loved being 17 and I may act like a teenager about Twilight. What can I say? It brings that out in me.

A warning though – human boys have lost all their charm after reading Twilight. Edward Cullen will do that to you.

I know I’m 26 and married and people think I should be into more high-brow stuff.  Oh, and not have a crush on a teenage vampire character from a book (can you honestly help yourself???)

But I know moms who love these books! Real mothers! There are websites dedicated to moms who love Twilight. And Edward drives a Volvo – a Volvo, people! How could I not fall in love?

(And yes, I know it’s written by a woman. Scott reminds me all the time when I say I love so-and-so from Grey’s Anatomy, Twilight, etc. I know they are created by women who are just as romantic and unrealistic as I am. But I still like it.)

Last night, when Scott got home and I pulled myself away from the book, we were talking in the kitchen and I just blurted out, “I wish you were a vampire.”

He says “this Twilight thing” is getting out of hand.

Psssh!

I say,  love me, love my obsessions.  Now, maybe you could grow your hair out a bit and ruffle it up. And wear a grey pea coat. Sparkle, damnit! Sparkle!