Browing out

Getting your eyebrows threaded while you have a hangover is quite possibly one of the most unpleasant experiences in the world.

I could leave it at that. I am sure there are plenty of you out there that know exactly what I’m talking about and can totally sympathize with me. Though some of you might be thinking, why didn’t you just cancel? Well, because I have dark, thick brows and there should always be two of them. And also I am going to the US in six days to see family and friends. Annnd a good threader is hard to come by.

I should know. For most of my five years living abroad, I saved up my eyebrow hair so I could return to my threader back in the states. One particular visit I had an eyebrow appointment an hour after I was due to land. And it takes 45 minutes to get to the spa from the airport. My flight was delayed by a few hours. My poor father had to call the spa several times to give them updates on my status. To this day, after all that, I’m not sure he knows what threading is. (Happy Father’s Day!)

So, you see, I had to keep my appointment, white wine-induced hangover be damned!

As I was laying back in the chair, contemplating a little snooze while I waited, the threader walked in. She said hello and then stopped in her tracks.

“Alright?”

I smiled, never knowing exactly what to say when a British person says this. Do they want to know if you’re all right? Are they just saying hello? It’s a minefield! (More on this another time because I have opinions about this!)

Then she said, “Hungover.”

It was not a question. She knew.

She followed it up with, “Well, this is going to be painful for a Saturday morning.”

And it was.

I don’t know what happened but by the time I got home, my eyebrows had swelled up way more than usual. My head was literally throbbing. I spent the rest of the day looking like Cro-Magnun Man.

But (Cro-Magnun) man, was it worth it! I guess you could say I’m well and truly settled in England now. I have a hair stylist I really like and finally a threader that does a good job and is only a five-minute walk away. Those are the true signs of settlement. Forget home ownership and citizenship. Pssht.

And the time saved by not having a string of beauty appointments right when I land? I can now spend it with family, friends, artificial cheese products, DSW Designer Shoe Warehouse, sweet tea, Sephora, and Mexican food.

Five days!

I’ve got this nailed

In my previous post, I mentioned that sometimes I paint my nails in the morning. My coworkers are shocked by this.* How do I have time to paint my nails? I don’t get up insanely early. I don’t factor in much time between the hair drying and ironing of that day’s outfit. How do I do it all?!

Well, my friends, if you were to ask me what three beauty items I wouldn’t want to live without, one of them would be my favorite top coat, Seche Vite.** It makes your nail polish dry quickly. It makes your nails super shiny. It changes lives.

It makes it so easy to use that I only need ten minutes to paint my nails. I do make sure I don’t go rummaging around in my handbag or emptying the dishwasher, because of the risk of nicking the polish (and also because I hate emptying the dishwasher). But the nails are dry to the touch and I can continue with getting ready.

As a former nail biter, the only thing that helps me stop biting them is painting them a pretty color. Those “no more biting” products? Nope, I even munched my way through those. Because of this top coat, I am able to change my nail polish every few days and even venture into the world of nail art. Say it with me…life-changing!

I usually spend my commute admiring my work and taking photos with my phone.

Now I’m no hand model and I did say I had a nail biting problem, but aren’t they shiny? Londoners will recognize the fabric from the seats on the Metropolitan Line. And although the actual color is OPI “Ski Teal We Drop”, I think Metropolitan Line Blue fits too.

Just wait until you see my Hammersmith & City Line nails.

* They were shocked by this but after a delivery of half a dozen or so bottles of Seche Vite arrived at our workplace, they’re singing a different tune.

**I’ll save my other two favorite beauty products for another time, but they are every bit as life-changing, I assure you.

Skin deep

Last year Scott gave me a gift certificate to a spa in Notting Hill. It was my first ever facial and I was really excited to get some treatments done that the hassle of actual getting to the spa didn’t seem so much of a hassle. The facial was incredibly relaxing and my foot massage was amazing but as soon as I stumbled out into the rain, the feelings of complete and total relaxation were gone.  After fighting my way onto the Tube and standing pressed up against strangers, I needed another massage to get the tension out of my shoulders. I stood there watching people sneeze and cough and drop bits of their McDonalds value meal onto the floor. All I could think was, oh no, my clean pores!

We’re off to the US this weekend for a visit and as I’ve mentioned before, there are many, many things I look forward to -seeing family and friends, shopping, driving on wide roads,  eating at my favorite restaurants.  But the other thing I look forward to is the ease and availability of beauty treatments.

It’s funny that now when I have the most money I’ve ever had, I don’t spend nearly enough on beauty treatments. It all comes down to convenience for me. And yes, London is full of fabulous spas but there really is something to be said about those little nail places in strip malls. The ones wedged between Starbucks and Wholefoods or Safeway and Michael’s. The ones where you can just pop in on a Saturday morning or even a Tuesday night. The ones where a mani/pedi combo costs $30.

Of course those are also the ones where all the nail technicians speak in Vietnamese and most likely about you. The ones where the technician looks up at you over her surgical mask and says, “You big eyebrow. Want wax?” You smile politely and say, “Not today.” The technician shouts something you can’t understand to the other technicians. They all laugh. Then the technician says, “What about upper lip? I do good price.”

And then you politely say, “No thanks” and sit there as they talk about you some more.

Yes, I miss those nail salons.

It’s not that I don’t need my eyebrows groomed, it’s just that I wasn’t going to let just anyone do them. I have been going to the same spa in Virginia for years. I didn’t trust anyone else with my brows, though I knew when I said “I do”,  I would be saying goodbye to my threading practitioner.

After one horrible waxing experience out where I used to live here in England, I decided I would have to find a new place to get my eyebrows threaded. I found the Blink Brow Bar at Selfridges. It’s a great concept if you don’t mind having your brows plucked and threaded in the middle of one of the most famous department stores in the world. In the stationery section, next to office supplies, of all places.

And in the quest for beauty, I could deal with it. I could even handle not ever having the same practitioner. But what I can’t stand is the actual journey there and back. Oxford Street is just not conducive to a relaxing hair removal experience.

As for hair in general, I have finally found a stylist I actually like out by where I live. Her proximity is the main reason I like her so much and the fact that she has finally mastered my bangs (after many attempts because for the love of God, she’s the only half-decent stylist out here and I refuse to give up on her. ) But she doesn’t talk much and that’s unheard of when it comes to hair stylists.

I don’t necessarily miss the chit chat but I do like when my stylist shows some sort of enthusiasm for the job. Last time I told my stylist I was looking for a change and I was toying with the idea of getting highlights. She picked up a piece of my hair, shrugged and said, “Ok.” I asked if she thought that was a good idea or if she could recommend something else. She looked at my hair and then shrugged again. It was clear she just could not be bothered. Did she not want my money?

As you can guess, I miss my old stylist. I miss the ease of getting there and of knowing exactly what to expect.

My hair stylist did my hair for my senior prom and my wedding. My threading practitioner did my brows for my senior prom and my wedding. I imagine it’s like those people who stay with the same doctor their whole life – the doctor who delivered them. You feel safe. You feel known.

I gave all these securities up when I got married and moved abroad. In sickness and in health, in groomed eyebrows or in overgrown…

So when I have a trip back home planned, I feel like I have to take advantage of these conveniences. It’s like I’m forced to let myself go so that I can be put back together in my motherland. (And what this really means is that if I’m seeing you before next Tuesday, my brows are going to be looking a little full. Apologies.)

I’ll be booking an appointment with my old hair stylist as well. Just as soon as I decide on a style.

You too can spend hours (and I do mean hours) trying on different hairstyles. And for a limited time, you can try on the hairstyles of Sarah Palin, Michelle Obama, Hilary Clinton and Cindy McCain. Seriously. It’s even more exciting than receiving my absentee ballot.