Protect yourself this holiday season

It was this time three years ago when, after partaking in a few festive bevvies, I woke up to discover a cheeseburger in my bag. Someone reminded me of that story just the other day when we were talking about the best drunk food.  (I’d make a good case for McDonald’s but from all the chicken bones on the streets of London, I’d guess KFC or the generic fried chicken joints come out on top. Seriously, what is up with all those chicken bones?!)

We all seem to have our favorite stops on a night out. Mine happens to be whatever is closest to my train platform. Sometimes that’s a Cornish pasty, sometimes it’s a croissant. Whatever it is, I stick it in my handbag for later.

The last train usually smells of beer, body spray and Big Macs. It seems everyone has stopped for sustenance before boarding. If they aren’t sleeping, they are in deep concentration, trying to type a drunken text while holding a Yazoo chocolate milkshake and a bag of cheese and onion crisps. (I’m not sleeping or eating. Clearly, I’m only there observing, judging, and sending totally coherent texts.)

Twenty minutes later, I’m walking home and only too excited to remember that I have food! In my bag! It’s a wonderful feeling I like to recreate for myself on every night out. You no longer care that your feet are hurting or that it’s freezing outside. The food is the perfect distraction for the walk home.

It works for me.

Because the one time I ate a baguette on the train home resulted in me waking up at my stop with ham in my hair. HAM IN MY HAIR.

Christmas can’t come soon enough. I’m adding this to my wishlist.

Do you think it will make my face look fat?

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